Few things cause more anxiety for most guys than the prospect of walking up to a complete stranger—a pretty girl—and attempting to break the ice for the first time. Society generally frowns upon overt flirtations, and sometimes girls, especially the good-looking ones that are often hit on by men on a daily basis, can be harsh with their rejections.
But you know what? It’s not as hard as it looks. In fact, walking up to someone and making conversation only involves two things: moving your legs and moving your mouth. Chances are, you already know how to do both of these things. Yes, of course, it’s more complicated than that—because everyone always chooses to make it more complicated. At its very core, social interaction is something very primitive, and it’s something that we’re all hardwired to be able to do. You just need to learn to tap into the self-confidence inside of you that already exists.
Try some of these tips next time you’re faced with the prospect of talking to a pretty girl, but you find yourself hesitating:
Remember that she’s human.
Too many men put women on a pedestal, and think of them as superior beings that have the power to dictate a man’s self-worth. Sure, a woman can reject you—but so what? This doesn’t necessarily mean anything, and it doesn’t have to reflect badly on you. She has a life of her own, and it’s not always going to intertwine with yours, and that’s okay.
Don’t worry too much about saying “the right thing.”
There is no “right thing.” In fact, it hardly matters what you say at all. Your attitude and demeanor will speak much more loudly than your words. Work on your presence as a man, on the way you stand, on the way you make eye contact, and other important body language factors, and starting the actual conversation will be far easier.
Try to add value to her life from the beginning.
Just like you, her time on this earth is limited. If she is giving you her attention, don’t squander it, and show her that she won’t be bored or wasting her time when she’s around you. Be interesting right off the bat; teach her something new or make her laugh. Try to give her something—good vibes, good feelings, good conversation—before you ask her for something, like her number.
Once you’ve spotted a girl that you’re interested in, stop staring at her and just go for it. Give yourself a certain amount of seconds—say, 10—before you must stop looking and follow through with your ice-breaker.
A guy who merely hovers around staring and doesn’t say anything is creepy to a woman—and don’t think that she won’t notice that you’re looking. Women are very keenly aware of the environment around them; it’s a survival instinct that they use to avoid dangerous strangers. Don’t appear like you’re stalking her as if she’s some kind of prey. Immediately walk up to her with confidence and start a conversation, or else stop staring and walk away.
Don’t be too nice or too generous.
Just as the silent staring will raise a red flag in her mind, a guy who invests in her too quickly will set off her creeper alarm. Context is everything, of course, but if the first words out of your mouth are, “Can I buy you a…,” then you are probably investing much too soon and she’s going to immediately wonder what the “catch” is.
Many girls will graciously accept your generous offer of alcohol or coffee, but this doesn’t mean that they particularly like you, and it definitely will not make them find you more attractive. Like most people, they just like free stuff. In fact, this can often work against you because a more unscrupulous woman may see you as a material resource and may attempt to get as much free stuff as she can out of you, dangling the prospect of sex or romantic interaction just out of reach in order to manipulate you. That last thing you want is to attract this kind of woman.
A better angle would be to view her as an equal and to approach the interaction as if your conversation is a gift in and of itself—as it should be. Even better, get her to invest in you if you can, and have her buy you a cup of coffee if you feel that the interaction is going well.
Don’t be a phony.
“Be yourself,” is a common cliché, and while it is important to constantly change and improve that self, there is some truth to this universal advice. Nobody likes a phony, and women especially can smell phoniness from a mile away.
There is a reason women are so much pickier than men; the consequences of choosing the wrong mate are much more extreme in her case because of the huge physical investment that reproduction requires of her. For this reason, a woman’s instincts are finely-tuned at being able to detect whether a man is successful in life or not by how he carries himself and many other nearly-imperceptible cues that are hard to fake without massive amounts of practice.
Sure, rejection hurts, but it’s much easier if you simply concentrate on being your best self and finding out if you will be a genuine match, than on trying to trick her into thinking that you have more money, status, or success than you actually have. Sooner or later, the cracks will show and she will find out, anyway. Getting rejected for who you are is not nearly as bad as being liked for something you aren’t.
Just say “Hello.”
Finally, just say hello. Introduce yourself. Tell her the truth: You saw her across the room, and you thought she looked interesting. Even if you come up with some sort of polite excuse for opening the conversation, she will probably know why you’re talking to her; you may as well be direct.